Me-"What are we going to do today?"
Myself-"I don't know, what did you have in mind?"
I-"I see that you're having indecision. I recognize it and let it go."
Me-"Who is this I?"
Myself-"I don't know. She's always there."
Me-"Let's go get breakfast."
Myself-"Good idea."
I-"I see you're hungry. Feel what it's like to be hungry, then let it go."
Me-"Okay, I, you're getting on my nerves. Who's on first, anyway?"

Here is a short story I wrote on the plane trip home from San Salvador, El Salvador.

One day we rode the bus that goes between the capital city San Salvador and my husband's hometown of San Miguel, three hours away. On this bus, many vendors boarded and tried to sell their wares to all the passengers before the bus embarked. Some sold water in bags, some coconut milk, some had magazines, some sold hot tamales or other food.

A young boy boarded part of the way through our trip; he looked to be about ten years old, and he stood in the aisle next to my husband. My husband asked him in Spanish about his parents, and why he was traveling. The boy told him he was an orphan, and he customarily rode this bus to ask for money for food.

I gave him the remaining corn cake one of the vendors sold me, and he ate it. My husband gave him some money. His begging style was like that of a cute puppy; he just stood next to you and looked at  you. He got off the bus at a small village stop, along with a "vendedora" girl who was pleased she sold all of her tortillas.

During the airplane ride home, all of this came flooding back into my memory as I watched another young boy, a little different from the first.

The stewards were in the aisle, passing out snacks. They had a cart that blocked the entire aisle. There, waiting behind them, was a young hispanic boy with a necklace and black tank top, and gel in his freshly cut hair. He looked like the boy from the bus trip to San Miguel, who rode the bus to beg for money. That boy couldn't get on the plane like this wealthier boy could.

The boy in San Miguel would be trapped there, riding the bus back and forth for sustenance. This boy on the airplane had two lives to go back to; one in the USA and one in El Salvador, but our beggar boy only had the hell he's lived all his life: "What will I eat?"

On the plane, the men were passing out free food for everyone and no one had to beg. The vendadoras didn't board the plane to sell their tortillas and bags of coconut milk.

So there I sat, with sudden onset tears rolling down my cheek. My ten year old son Yohan ate his snack with gusto, and asked me if I wanted mine. When I informed him I was saving it for later, he begged from Dad. Dad gave him his little brother's bag of crackers because he was sleeping.

Yohan balked, "What? No cheese? C'mon Dad!"

Dad said, "It's your brother's cheese."

Yohan protested, "But, Dad!"

I snapped.

I spoke swiftly and low in his ear, "Don't be greedy. Do you remember the boy from the bus in San Miguel? He didn't know what he was going to eat next, he didn't know if he would eat at all that day. Don't be greedy. I hope this trip has taught you something about how poor people live."

He nodded and ate his crackers with no cheese.

It feels like I'm holding at least 4 jobs at once, I'm so busy now! Summer is a busy time of year for construction work, and our gutter business is overflowing with work. How excellent!

I've also been busy with the Live on Purpose site. I encourage you to go leave a comment on my new blog, or subscribe to the newsletter, or subscribe to the RSS feed. I just sent a newsletter out for June, here's a snippet.
http://liveonpurpose.info/blog/

You know, "life purpose", "calling", and "living on purpose" are very vague terms. When people speak about these terms, they often mean, "living your live according to a plan you made." Sometimes people believe you have to sacrifice things like quality of life, or perhaps quantity of relationships in order to fulfill your "life's purpose" which may include quitting your job to start your own business so you can do what you love. But when I mention "living on purpose," I am not talking about making a life plan and sticking to it. I am talking more about living in the moment and being aware of the decisions you make. I am referring to a method of living that lets us stop living on automatic and start guiding our lives by changing our decision making process.

That's why I was reluctant to do the exercise outlined in Steve Pavlina's site, meant to help you discover your life purpose. I love the mystery of life, and I think that a person can go their whole life without generating a mission statement consciously. I believed one should let God set the course for one's life, yet after I finished the exercise and came up with my "purpose in life," I finally saw that if you let your whole life go by without at least setting some goals along the way, you’re setting yourself up for your unconscious to lay out your life for you, and you may end up with what I call an “accidental life.”

If we remain bound to the interior invisible walls we have built to guard our own vulnerability, we end up living accidental lives. An accidental life is one where we wake up one day and realize, "How did I get here? I didn’t want to end up this way." I am not talking about what happens to us when an accident befalls us and ruins our lives. I am talking about what happens to us when, let’s say, we let the "what-ifs" from the day of the accident rule our lives and sink us into a quicksand of depression.

To try to illustrate this, let me link you to Christopher Reeve’s Biography.

Christopher Reeve has truly lived the hero’s life, in my opinion. After starring as the hero in the movie "Superman," he was injured in a terrible accident and became paralyzed from the neck down. He struggled daily to regain control over his limbs. It took six years for him to have control over his index finger. Of course he suffered from bouts of depression during that time. He explained in the documentary made about him that he has good days and down days like everyone else. During his journey, however, he and his wife used their fame and their funds to start the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation for Spinal Cord Injury, which has helped thousands of patients with spinal cord injuries. So even though he suffered a debilitating accident, he turned it around and found his purpose, and lived purposefully as best as he could.

So set clear goals for yourself, and revisit those goals and mission statements periodically to see if they still ring true to your heart. Adjust your goals accordingly, and keep on re-setting your course in life if you need to.

Many self help experts extol the benefits of starting a gratitude journal. Once you find one thing to be grateful for, then more of the same is supposed to come flowing in to your life and you'll find even more things to be grateful for.

I drive a car for transportation. Gas prices are very expensive so I let the tank run to almost empty a lot. I haven't run out of gas during a trip yet! I went to the gas station yesterday, knowing that the tiny bit of gas left was not enough to get me to where I needed to go. The closest pump available would be on the wrong side of my car, but I decided to see if the nozzle would reach all the way across the car if I pulled in tight to the gas pump. It didn't reach, and at the moment I realized the cable wouldn't extend any more and the nozzle wouldn't make it to my gas tank, a woman and a man walked right by me, after they parked in the lot.

"It doesn't have an extension cable!" I exclaimed aloud, so they could hear.

"Be grateful you made it to the pump, and you didn't run out of gas like I did!" said the woman, in a flight attendent's uniform.

Yes, I said a quick prayer of gratitude that I made it to the pump and had the money available to put at least some gas in the car. Then I acknowledged her later, after I had manuvered my car to another pump, and she had started pumping gas into the tiny one gallon container she had brought.

"You gave me a reason to be thankful! I had almost run out of gas and was wondering if I could chance my trip on the tiny amount I had in the tank."

"Don't chance it, especially when you have your kids in the car!" She observed.

I was able to get to my destination just fine, even though I had never driven on that highway before. It took so much longer than I had imagined! I was grateful for my quarter tank of gas, and my kids!

A great warrior is always waiting. But we don't always know what we're waiting for! God is in the details, including how you make use of your time while you wait for something else. If you can wait with grace, with patience, you can see synchronicity happening all around you. Wait with awareness, and watch as your life unfolds magically. Wait with impatience, and you'll feel the universe is against you.

Yes, I am extremely patient. Very patient. People wonder how I do it. When I was in fourth to sixth grades, I spent my after-school time in my back yard, searching for four leaf clovers with diligence and patience. I found hundreds, all in my own back yard. Nobody believed me but my parents.

Life is what happens when we're busy making other plans. ~John Lennon

What if your whole life was in anticipation of something great? It would be like living the week before Christmas (for those of us who are Christian) over and over. Is it our job to find out what we are waiting for? Or should we revel in the mystery of God and be content wtih not knowing? Should we embark on a grand quest to find our life's mission?

We should bring awareness to tiny everyday moments. These moments were meant to be noticed. String them all together, and what do you have? A symphony of events, pointing to something...

Agape Love.